She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
