Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
