aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Less talking, more tequila
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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