so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Randomize
