did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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