summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
