I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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