just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
