I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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