Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
