He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
