Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
