Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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