so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
