It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize