Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just cropdusted the office
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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