she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Is it penis luge time yet?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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