i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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