I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
