Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
