He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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