apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
