I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
