Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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