The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
