i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
