why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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