VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My life is pants optional.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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