So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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