I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
