As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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