talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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