I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize