Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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