so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize