That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
