You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
