I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
