i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
