I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
