Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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