I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
