But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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