Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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