My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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