The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
