The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
