trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm sobbing to NWA
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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