Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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