She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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