i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
