I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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