You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
