remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
