we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
