and you said cock pushups were impossible
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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