my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
