I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
