you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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