i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize