1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
