making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
