dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize