I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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