also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i came on her dog
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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