I never want to see another naked old woman again.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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