I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
