well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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