it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
