Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
