Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
