So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
