I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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