For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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