you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
