There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Who died my cat blue again?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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