my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
