The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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