Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
