This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
