Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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