You're my little dorito
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
