who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize