I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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