who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
