threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
