was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
