3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So drunk its hurt
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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