You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
