I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
