i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize