my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
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