Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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