I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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