tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
