is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
